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American Idol Season 6 (2007)

 

March 6 (Semi-Finals: Men) - Tonight I wanna cry 

Ryan assures us that one of the most important events in Idol history will be announced on Thursday.  And tonight, the contestants tell us their deep, dark secrets.  Yeah, right.

Blake Lewis (sings 311's "All Mixed Up"): Blake loves improv comedy & Halloween.  Oh, ha, ha, cute comedy routine.  Now sing, please.  He performs a reggae, hip-hop, beatbox thing.  There's not much range, but then that suits him, doesn't it?  And it's kind of fun and unusual.  Certainly he'll be remembered.  None of the judges recognize the song, but Randy thinks he's really current, Paula is "interested" (as opposed to interesting), and Simon thinks that Blake stands out.

Sanjaya Malakar (sings John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change"): Sanjaya's hair looks really pretty tonight, and we're supposed to be surprised to know that he knows how to hula.  No comment.  This is actually the best he's sung so far.  No, that's not saying much, but who cares?  Someone loves him enough to keep him safe each week, so I'm sure he'll be in the top 12.  Randy doesn't think it was that great.  Paula thinks the guys around him are pushing him to do better and blathers something.  Simon says it wasn't as ghastly as last week, but the Paula hairstyle needs to go.

Sundance Head (sings Pearl Jam's "Jeremy"): Sundance jokes that his big secret is that he's really thin.  Yeah, dude, that's real funny.  Not.  Then he sort of shouts/moans some song that sounds like it would be best heard on drugs (and, for those who know the song, the lyrics were changed to be more family friendly - as I found out when I tried to look up the lyric "seemed a harmless little punk").  Randy likes him "putting a Southern rock thing on Pearl Jam."  Paula says he did really well.  Simon thinks he lost his charm this week.  I just think he lost the tune, if there ever was one.

Why is Travis Tritt here?  Oh, because Randy Jackson is producing his album.  And because it provides an obvious segue to:

Chris Richardson (sings Keith Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry"): He was once a chunky football player in college.  And this whiny country song is perfect for his whiny voice and instantly becomes the theme song for the evening.  Gee, thanks.  Randy likes him singing different songs each week.  Paula thinks he adapted well.  Simon isn't jumping out of his chair because it was a little too safe and nasally.

Jared Cotter (sings Stevie Wonder's "If You Really Love Me"): He played college basketball but quit to be a singer.  Well, I wish he'd pick a song he could sing.  And that preppy argyle sweater?  What the...?  Get thee to a stylist, son.  Randy says he gave a solid performance.  Paula wants him to color up the way he sings.  Simon doesn't think it was very original and didn't have the "wow" factor.

Brandon Rogers (sings Rare Earth's "I Just Want To Celebrate"): He's a classical piano player who's been playing since he was 9.  This song is much better for his voice than his previous efforts, although it's not as powerful as I'd hoped it would be.  It just sort of sits there.  Oh, well.  Randy loves the song, although it got a little messed up at the end.  Paula thinks it was phenomenal, largely because it hasn't been performed before.  Simon doesn't think that Brandon represented himself well and says he's nervous for him.

Phil Stacey (sings LeAnn Rimes' "I Need You"): He once had long hair but shaved it off and kept it off.  Whoopie.  What possessed him to choose this song?  Oh, my ears.  Stop.  Please.  You and Sundance and your caterwauling deserve to go home before Sanjaya this week.  Randy calls the performance "interesting" and says that Phil reminds him of Steve Perry.  Um, okay.  Paula thinks the song choice was odd.  Simon doesn't get it at all and says it's not good enough.  Yeah, what he said.

Chris Sligh (sings DC Talk's "We All Want to Be Loved"): He once had short hair, and that long, curly hair he has now is all natural.  So, okay, you are a natural poodle.  What is so exciting about that?  About any of these secrets, for that matter?  Grumble, grumble.  The song is okay, and he probably has the best overall vocals tonight despite some timing issues, but man...I'm snoozing right now.  Is this the best we have?  Really?  Randy gives Chris the vocal prize of the night, even though it's not his best song.  Paula thought it was middle of the road for him.  Simon thinks Chris struggled in the middle, but says he has potential.  And then Chris asks for a hug from Ryan, and Ryan reluctantly complies, and I just feel icky.

So, after three weeks of listening to the suckitude that is this year's crop of male singers, I am convinced that a girl is going to win this year.  The guys might as well go home.  But I'll attempt a ranking anyway:

1. Chris Sligh - Best vocal, for what it's worth
2. Blake Lewis - I wish they'd put him at the end to wake me up

Big space

3. Everyone else

Gee, that was easy.

Eliminated on March 8 Results Show:  Jared Cotter and Sundance Head

 

Review 2007 by Patricia Lowhorn.  For comments, e-mail tricia@lowhorn.org.

 

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