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American Idol Season 6 (2007)

 

March 13 - You Can't Hurry Dull (Diana Ross songs)

Ryan reminds us that this show has discovered all sorts of stars (but not Supernovas).  Apparently it hasn't given him enough money to get a shave.  He then basically calls Diana Ross old.  Then Michael Jackson...um...Diana mentors the contestants and says she's not here to critique anyone.  She's their Mom.  Awww.  Right there, you know how useless her coaching is going to be.

Brandon Rogers (sings "You Can't Hurry Love"): Diana basically just says he's good.  Then Brandon pretends he's Phil Collins singing this song, but he's a lot more boring.  Oh, wait - the crack in his voice was interesting.  The wiggle of the hips, on the other hand, was just ugly.  And then he forgot the words.  How do you forget these words??  Randy says that Brandon reverted to being a background singer until the last two notes.  Paula says it's not easy being green.  Or something.  Simon believes it was a big let-down, and Brandon has no star quality at all.

Melinda Doolittle (sings "Home"): Melinda thinks the hardest part of the show is wearing high heels and tight dresses, whereupon Simon and Ryan have a gay gabfest about what can be found in Ryan's closet.  Diana thinks the audience will "feel" Melinda.  And yes, I feel her.  Wow.  I mean, really, she doesn't need this show.  Why is she here?  I don't type when I watch her - I just enjoy the performance.  Randy thinks she was "really, really strong."  Paula is reduced to a puddle of tears.  Simon says she made a boring song fantastic, and she's like a young Gladys Knight.  Melinda can't even remember the performance afterwards, whereupon Paula says she had an out of body experience.  Paula ought to know.

Chris Sligh (sings "Endless Love"): Chris and Diana exchange hair tips.  Diana tells him to hold onto the melody.  Chris changes this to a Coldplay song, which is...um...interesting.  I like his voice, and I actually sort of like the arrangement, but it does seem to be a bit too calculated to try to make himself "contemporary," and he looks all Pillsbury Dough Boy without the glasses.  Randy thinks it was weird and a mess.  Paula thinks he's trying too hard to be hip.  Simon believes he murdered the arrangement and tells him to keep the glasses on.  Chris says he went with his gut on the song, but obviously his gut was wrong.

Gina Glocksen (sings "Love Child"): Diana reminds her to "pronunciate" everything.  Gina is pretty good until she gets near the end, when she almost starts shouting again and just generally goes off-pitch.  Oh, and she wasn't "pronunciating"- or enunciating - everything, either.  Randy wasn't excited.  Paula thinks she's better than that performance.  Simon says she was just okay, but a little forgettable.

Sanjaya Malakar (sings "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"): Diana says that Sanjaya is "love" and asks if he can dance.  Dear God, no.  Sanjaya borrowed Chris Sligh's curls for this performance, which I think is distraction enough to keep me from concentrating on his weak vocals and his wussy dancing.  I am so embarrassed for this kid.  Randy giggles, and then he says it wasn't a very good performance, but he likes the hair.  Paula thinks that Sanjaya is such a sweet guy, but he needs to explode with his vocals.  As if.  Simon thinks that Diana will freak when she hears this performance and manages to call her a whale in the process.  Thanks Simon - now Sanjaya will get plenty of backlash votes.  From Diana. Pppphhhtt.

Haley Scarnato (sings "Missing You"): Haley thinks the craziest place to sing is here on this larger stage.  Gosh, what a nice, original answer.  Diana says that Haley has more of a recording studio voice than a live performance voice.  This is another way of saying that she's a weak singer, which, yeah, she is.  She messes up the words and is rather tentative throughout, but hey, she's prettier than Sanjaya.  Randy wasn't impressed.  Paula says she looks lovely, but she had pitch problems.  Simon didn't think it was that bad, whereupon Haley starts crying and can't stop blathering about how she thought it was her worst performance, boo hoo hoo.  Someone mop her off the floor already.

Phil Stacey (sings "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me"): When Phil sang for Diana, she was reminded of when she sang this with Marvin Gaye, and when he asks her for advice, she tells him to look at the audience.  The good news is that he's much better than last week.  The bad news is that he's still kind of boring.  Give him a shot of charisma already.  Randy thinks the performance was weak but Phil had the best male vocals of the night so far.  Paula basically agrees.  Simon wants him to control the shouting at the big notes but thinks it was okay and better than last week.  Yeah, what I said.

LaKisha Jones (sings "God Bless the Child"): Diana tells her to wear a long, simple dress (which she does) and use a microphone stand (which she doesn't).  This is a jazzy-gospel version of the song, complete with overblown instrumentation, but LaKisha manages to sing it without going into all sorts of vocal contortions.  And oh, yes, she sings it very, very well.  But that goes without saying.  I wish she'd smile more, though.  Randy says it was the perfect song choice, and the performance was sensational.  Paula calls her beautiful.  Simon says she's got "it," and that she and Melinda are in a different league from everyone else.  Which means that there is no way they will end up in the finals together.  At some point around the top 6 or so, the audience will think one of them is safe and not vote for them and/or they will split the "diva" vote.  Watch.

Blake Lewis (sings "You Keep Me Hanging On"): Blake listens to artists I've never heard of.  He rearranges Diana's song and "revamps" it.  Diana likes it, I sort of like it (though not his vocals so much, or his fake Michael Jackson moves), but the judges don't want anyone messing with Motown tonight.  Randy tells him not to worry about "Blake-izing" the songs and just concentrate on his vocals more.  Paula compares him to Chris Sligh and says he's better tonight.  Simon didn't get the song at all but says that Blake will be okay in the voting.  And right now, I'm guessing the judges want a girl to win, because they had no problem applauding Chris Daughtry last year when he rearranged his songs to make them more contemporary.  Phooey to them.

Stephanie Edwards (sings "Love Hangover"): Diana wants Stephanie to be sexier when she sings, but she says she has star quality.  Vocally, Stephanie sounds pretty good.  Not as strong as LaKisha or Melinda, but better than most tonight.  But, um, this is a disco song.  Where's the disco?  Randy was waiting for that part to start.  Paula wants her to do better.  Simon says she basically sang just an intro, she teased without giving him what he wanted, and she needs to choose a better song.  Ahem.

Chris Richardson (sings "The Boss"): Diana says he needs to work the song and move around to sell it.  He does so, but that's about the best I can say about this.  I mean, I really can't be objective here, because I hate his whiny, nasally voice.  Kind of like Ace last year - nice-looking, but more hype than any good as a vocalist.  Randy thinks he overdid it a little.  Paula thinks that out of all the guys, he "nailed the blend of bringing contemporary" to the song.  Simon thinks the vocals were dreadful.  Yep.  But judging from the squeals in the audience, he's got a lot of girly fans, so he's safe for now.

Jordin Sparks (sings "If We Hold On Together"): Diana wants Jordin to project and tell the audience a story - a story about the cute dinosaurs from The Land Before Time.  Really.  It's a bad Disney-esque song.  Jordin's okay and quite talented for her age, but I really don't like this song, and I don't think her performance deserves the tongue-bathing the judges give her afterwards.  Randy thinks she's as good as LaKisha and Melinda (?). Paula calls her a breath of fresh air.  Simon says the song is "gooey," but she absolutely has a shot at the finals.  Jordin then becomes a pile of goo.

Ranking, ranking...how do I rank this?  With the exception of the top two singers, I don't really care about the rest.  But here's what I'll try:

1. Melinda Doolittle - Enough said.
2. LaKisha Jones - Please smile next week.
3. Chris Sligh/Blake Lewis - Frankly, I liked having the songs changed. Your mileage may vary.
5. Stephanie Edwards/Jordin Sparks - Too little disco, too much schmaltz, but both are good singers.
7. Gina Glocksen/Phil Stacey - Good but not outstanding
9. Brandon Rogers/Haley Scarnato - Who?
11. Chris Richardson - He worked the audience, but lively performances do not make up for sucky vocals
12. Sanjaya Malakar - I suppose it's too much to ask that he be put out of our misery now.

Bottom 3 on March 14 Results Show (in order announced):  Brandon Rogers, Phil Stacey, Sanjaya Malakar

Eliminated:  Brandon Rogers

 

Review 2007 by Patricia Lowhorn.  For comments, e-mail tricia@lowhorn.org.

 

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