August 14-16 Review | Rock Star Index | August 28-30 Review
Rock Star: Supernova
August 21-23: Here we are now - entertain us!
Monday, August 21: At the mansion,
everyone toasts Zayra. Ryan claims (away from the others) that she was the
one girl who brought life to the house. Umm...okay. Dilana says (also away
from the others) that after her performance with Supernova, she can't imagine
anyone else fronting the band. Yeah, uh, if you like that music, then be
my guest. Toby mashes food in Ryan's face because he got the encore.
This is the level of maturity we're dealing with.
This week's "clinic" is to have the rockers do a press junket at the mansion. Three journalists interview everyone individually, while Jason wanders around and listens in to the conversations. One woman, who works at a radio station in L.A., acts like her total purpose in life is to be a bitch, but that's okay, because we of course have to know how the little rockers will react in that situation.
The one who comes across really bad in this scenario (whether through editing or otherwise) is Dilana. When asked for particulars as to who she doesn't think is serious about this gig with Supernova, she immediately rattles off Toby's and Magni's names. She further claims that Storm and Ryan hated the Supernova song when they first heard it, that Patrice shouldn't be there, and that not an hour goes by when she doesn't want to strangle Lukas. Woah, girl, even J.D.'s "Being Human, but We're All Human Being" speech that he gave in response to MiG's publicity gaffe last year can't redeem that many back stabs. When bitchy radio station lady tells Lukas a twisted version of what Dilana said, Lukas says that Dilana should mind her own business. After he is then called a name that gets bleeped, Lukas is ready to just walk out of the interview, and Jason helpfully tells us that if a journalist treats you with disrespect, then it's okay to treat that person with disrespect right back. What he does NOT say is that said journalist will then probably turn right around and write you off as even more of a complete moron than they would have otherwise. But, hey, it's rock 'n' roll. What do I know?
Oh, I want to announce to the world that Lukas had sex for the very first time to a Metallica song. Just because you needed to know that.
At song selection time, we find out that two people will be allowed to sing their original songs this time. Storm wants to box for the right to sing one, but no one will take her up on this. Ryan says it's because he's never hit a woman, but I suspect that people think she'll kick their butts. It's eventually agreed that Patrice and Ryan will do their originals. Goodbye, Patrice. Storm takes Aerosmith's "Cryin'," while Dilana runs naked around the pool for the Police's "Every Breath You Take" - and then proceeds to torture everyone while she rehearses with an attempted falsetto voice that sounds like a dying dog. Gawd.
During rehearsal, we find out that Toby is doing a rocked out version of Eric Clapton's "Layla," while Magni struggles with Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" because he's getting over the flu. Ryan micromanages the house band as they work with him on his original song, and I just want to smack him, because, seriously, the house band is far greater than anything he can come up with - especially since his song is supposedly about the end of the world and people making love in a church. Yes, that's exactly what I'll be doing when the asteroid hits. Whatever happened to just partying like it's 1999?
During closing credits, we find out that everyone talks about Lukas during their interviews except for Ryan, who admits to finding Cosmo and Vogue more interesting to read than Maxim. I'm sure that somehow this explains his penchant for singing about church sex and the apocalypse, but I'm just too tired to make the connection right now.
Tuesday, August 22: I guess Brooke's pregnancy is the reason for the boring black dress this week. Or maybe Tommy just doesn't want her to be sexier than him.
Dave and Supernova talk to the rockers, blah, blah, blah. Gilby introduces his best friend, a French Bulldog named Chopper, who is supposedly the Supernova mascot. Does that qualify as cruelty to animals?
Patrice Pike (sings her original "Beautiful Thing"): Hey, a catchy 80's pop-rock tune! It's a waste of the house band's talent, and Patrice's vocals are a little off, but how can you not sing along to a tune that includes the line, "The Cleavers are up to no damn good?" Dave thinks it's a great song but believes that Patrice should start a solo career. Tommy thinks the song is cool but too happy for Supernova (?), although they could make it work. Jason asks Patrice how it felt to perform her own song, and she says it was amazing and thanks them for the opportunity. Goodbye.
Magni (sings Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"): I'm sorry, but every time I hear this song, I think of Weird Al Yankovic's parody, and I start to giggle. "What is this song all about, can't figure any lyrics out." But we were talking about Magni... It's a typical Magni performance - great vocals, adequate but unexciting performance. Which is basically what Dave says. Tommy, who previously didn't want to see Magni stuck behind a guitar, now wishes that he was behind a guitar, even for a verse. We get into a discussion of how it would be nice to see guitars gets smashed. This leads into...
Ryan Star (sings his original "Back of Your Car"): Oh. It's not about sex in a church. It's about the end days, and some people are having sex, and some people are in church. Okay, if my choice is between church and having sex with Ryan in the back on my car, I'm fleeing to the convent. The boy is way too angry. Sorry, I don't snarl when I have sex. Oh, and throwing your guitar off stage like that after Dave's comment about wanting to see something broken? Lame. You didn't even break the thing. Dave asks him, "What the hell happened?" and Ryan says, "I got laid." Please, people, stop having sex with this guy, before he wrecks the theater. Tommy thinks it's the most comfortable Ryan's looked on stage, and Gilby says it's his best performance so far. Chopper's comments are unknown - he's probably hiding under Gilby's chair.
Storm Large (sings Aerosmith's "Cryin'"): Since I haven't said it so far, I'll say it now - God, I love the house band. All right, now that I have that out of my system... Storm's performance is okay to start with, although a little too American Idol karaoke for this competition. She kicks it up a notch about halfway through, though, and I'm reluctantly enjoying myself by the end. The best part, though, is her banter with the guys afterwards. Dave: "That's a difficult song." Storm: "Yeah, especially when I'm wearing your corset." Tommy wants her to wear less, and Dave wants the corset back. Storm: "Come over here and take it, bitch." It could be a little tedious listening to this, but I like that she can hold her own with these guys. Oh, the others... Gilby liked it, but is looking for a more memorable performance. Jason thinks she made it into her own song. Yeah, yeah. Next.
Dilana (sings the Police's "Every Breath You Take"): Taking over Zayra's wardrobe this week, Dilana has these huge fake pink eyelashes and some sort of puffy black feather skirt thing. At first I think it's to make up for the boring song choice, because while she's managed to smooth out her vocals to match her newly straightened hair, it's not really pulling me in. Then, like Storm, she kicks it up about halfway through, only she kicks it up by several notches, and I find myself watching in fascination again. She needs to bring a really kickin' song next week, I think, although I don't know that she'll get the opportunity, because next week is viewer's choice. Dave and the boys all love her, and Dave wants her to run around naked at his Olympic-sized pool. We then find out that the reason she was willing to do that this week was that this is her mother's favorite song, and she hasn't spoken to her mother in years, and she hopes that it gets heard by her some day. Awwww.
Toby Rand (sings Eric Clapton's "Layla"): I hate this song. The arrangement makes it barely tolerable. So, once again, Toby resorts to gimmicks - this time by taking off his shirt to reveal the letters EVS scrawled on his chest, which he says later is slang in Melbourne for "Whatever." So, uh, what's your message? Whatever - I don't care if I get this gig or not? He runs over to where the other rockers are and tries to get the audience to sing along to the chorus, but the audience is totally ignorant of this song and can only sing "Layla." Hee. Dave thinks he brought it vocally. Tommy says that he's sure the ladies enjoyed that performance. Gilby hates the arrangement but thinks the performance was amazing. Toby, who is now uncomfortable at being half-naked on stage, is very careful not to put his arm around Brooke when she talks to the audience about voting for him.
Lukas Rossi (sings the Killers' "All These Things That I've Done"): I must admit, the leprechaun surprised me here. He picked the perfect song, I could understand the words, and - unlike several of the rockers - he maintained his intensity throughout the song without resorting to antics, angst, or gimmicks. He turns his back on the audience a little too much, but it's clear he's having fun up there. I want to pat his head when the whole thing is over, but I'm afraid I'd skewer my hand on those spikes. Dave says the performance was unbelievable. Tommy says, "Check please" (a statement which could be either good or bad and has spawned many theories on the message boards). Gilby calls Lukas out for continuing to turn his back on the audience, and Lukas mumbles that he enjoys playing with the house band, and his performance is for them as well. Gilby sort of smacks him down for that. Jason, who has said nothing of substance tonight (or it's all been edited out), thinks that Lukas had good energy overall.
IMO, no one gave a perfect performance tonight. That said, my ranking is:
1) Lukas - maintained intensity throughout while looking like he was enjoying
2) Dilana - when she gets into her groove, she's mesmerizing
3) Magni - great vocals, so-so performance
4) Storm - good vocals once she got into the song
5) Ryan - energetic throughout, but hopefully I'll be raptured before he sings it to me again
6) Toby - hate the song choice, hate the gimmicks, but it's a better fit with Supernova than...
7) Patrice - liked the song at the time, but I've forgotten everything about it except the fact that her vocals were a little off
The initial bottom three were revealed to be Patrice, Storm, and Toby. Eh. It doesn't matter who ends up there, because it's kind of obvious that Patrice is going home at this point. I guess a lot of people want to have sex in their car with Ryan. Shudder.
Wednesday, August 23: It's Dilana bashing night. So forget about Brooke's leather (or faux leather?) dress or Dilana's not-so-Hidden Mickey hairstyle. Let's talk about how utterly stupid Dilana's been.
First we're taken to the mansion after the last show. Dilana tells Ryan that he would have been nothing on stage without the house band. What the...? The song wasn't my favorite, and she probably has a point, but sheesh. Now is not the time to be that honest. Dilana then starts needling Ryan about how she has more fans than he does because she gives everything she has each week. Even easy-going Magni has to slam her for that one because, frankly, she's been coasting a bit for the past couple of weeks. Then the rockers look at some MSN fan sites, and Ryan and Dilana find out that some people think that the two of them should front Supernova. Neither person is thrilled about that, but of course we focus on Dilana saying something about killing Ryan before that happens.
Dave lights into Dilana for her comments. About the only thing I disagree with him on is him getting uptight about her not wanting to share the stage with Ryan in Supernova. No one up there wants to share the spotlight with anyone else. As for the rest...Dilana apologizes. Ryan whines about how this is the most graceful he's heard her for a while. "She's the frontrunner. She should be more positive." Threatened much, Ryan?
Supernova then gets Toby to sing with them on their latest forgettable drek, "Be Yourself and Five Other Clichés." Seriously, with no Dilana and no dancing girls, I was about to fall asleep. I would say that Toby has zero charisma, but what can you do with a song that has a chorus that goes, "Hey, hey, hey, ho, ho, ho"? Run away, little rockers, run away!
Now we're back to some more Dilana bashing. We see excerpts from the press junket, where Dilana disses Lukas and says that Toby and Magni aren't really serious about being in the band. We do not see the excerpt where she says that Storm and Ryan hated Supernova's last song, or where she thinks Patrice shouldn't be there. Dave reams Dilana again for her comments: "You never bag on you peers like that, believe me I know, etc., etc." Even the studio audience is booing Dilana at this point. Dilana points out that this is a learning process, admits she screwed up, and apologizes again, then says she's too honest and doesn't know how to lie. Obviously, she doesn't know when it's better to keep her honesty to herself, either.
Lukas, when asked about how he felt about Dilana's comments, is mildly annoyed but basically shrugs it off with Toby's, "Evs." Dave then reminds the rockers that they have to grow thick skins because whoever wins this gig is going to get all sorts of flak because they won a reality show and Supernova sucks...oh, wait, he didn't say that last part.
Notice that - either because they didn't say anything or because it was edited out - we hear nothing at all from Supernova about this entire "controversy."
All the time spent on Dilana means that we have no time for an encore, so we move straight to the bottom three. Patrice, Storm, Toby, and Magni all hit the bottom three at some point during the voting, and Brooke points out that the results were very close. Storm ends up being safe - presumably by a handful of votes.
Magni sings Jimi Hendrix's "Fire," and it's the first performance of his that I really sit up and go "Wow" on. Magni-haters probably didn't change their minds, but this was the most comfortable yet most intense I've seen him, and he and the house band obviously have a great time playing the song. The crowd goes wild. He's so safe.
Patrice sings the Pretenders' "Middle of the Road," which is all sorts of meh, even when she somehow manages to split her upper lip. Magni the gentleman allows her to clean the lip on the sleeve of his red shirt.
Toby sings the Stone Temple Pilots' "Plush" a bit apologetically, because Magni has previously sung it and it was something that Toby had picked out prior to the season beginning (I'm assuming that the rockers had to furnish a list of songs they'd perform for the bottom three in time for the show to get appropriate clearances, and this was at the top of Toby's list). I give Toby kudos for having first Magni, then a couple of members of the audience join him on part of the song. I also like the little, "I'm never taking off my shirt again" comment at the beginning. Hee - thank you. It's not as compelling a performance as Magni's, but it's more watchable than Patrice's.
So it's no surprise when Patrice is axed, although Tommy getting all emotional about it is a bit over the top. We run the closing credits as the rockers all say goodbye to their fallen comrade, with a chastened Dilana patiently waiting her turn.
Gee, I can't wait for the fallout on the next reality show. Can you?
Review © 2006 by Patricia Lowhorn. For comments, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
August 14-16 Review | Rock Star Index | August 28-30 Review